Stuff That Makes Me Drink | Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas

Off Target

Written by fear and parenting in las vegas on August 3, 2010 – 12:00 am -

If you check my monthly bank statements, you’d probably see that I spend on average of $300 a month at Target. From clothing to housewares to cleaning supplies, Target has been my go-to store for nearly everything. (And let’s not even think of what I’ve spent there setting up my household after the divorce and Christmas shopping every year.) It’s fair to say that I spend more at Target annually than I spend at any other single retailer.

So that’s why this is going to hurt.

Target CEO Gregg Steinhafel donated $150,000 to MN Forward, a group running TV ads supporting Minnesota Rep. Tom Emmer, a politician who is actively seeking to deny citizens their civil right to marry based upon their sexual orientation.

In general, I don’t begrudge folks for giving to causes that I don’t agree with. It’s their right to vote and express their political opinions through their campaign contributions. I also understand his argument that one rarely agrees with all of a particular candidate’s platforms when issuing financial support.

But some things I can’t stomach. Denying citizens their rights is one of them. My continued shopping at Target will continue to pay Steinhafel the dollars that he is funneling to a cause that, along with other noble and honorable things, has an anti-gay agenda.

And that’s something that I can’t live with.

But, in the end, it needs to hurt Steinhafel more than it hurts me.

So, I’ll be shopping online at Amazon, Overstock, and other online retailers. I’ll be paying a few extra cents at my grocery store for cleaning supplies. I’ll be making a few more stops at multiple shops to get all the things I used to get under Target’s roof. Fortunately, I’m not alone.

Do I think my efforts will actually hurt a mega monster like Target? Not hardly. But at least I’ll sleep better at night knowing that I’m taking a stand.

I may come back…if Steinhafel donates to the Human Rights Campaign or another similar organization the same amount (or greater) that he gave Emmer and other anti-gay candidates.

Until then, I will explain to my kids that some things are more important than riding around in a red shopping cart eating popcorn and drinking lemonade while Mommy shops for their back to school stuff. We have popcorn and lemonade at home and they can play outside while I order online.

Tags: Best Buy, civil rights, gay marriage, Gregg Steinhafel, HRC, human rights, Human Rights Campaign, LGBT, Minnesota, MN Forward, Target, Tom Emmer
Posted in Stuff that makes me drink, Stuff that makes me sick, Stuff that makes me think, Stuff that makes me tired | 5 Comments »

Wisdom from Backpacking Dad

Written by fear and parenting in las vegas on August 1, 2010 – 11:10 pm -

“Does anyone want me to guest post?”

That’s the tweet I saw a few weeks ago from one of the first bloggers I ever read…the one and only Backpacking Dad.

As fellow city editors at Savvy Source, our emails and tweets and comments had crossed paths a few times, but as a FOT (friend of Tanis), I was clearly out of his league.

I had met him briefly last year at BlogHer…and by briefly I mean that I stuttered my way through an incoherent introduction that left me very embarassed (and he likely doesn’t remember that I left emotionally scarred for life).

Fortunately, one of the most important things I learned at BlogHer last year is that just about every blogger is insecure and wallflowers always lose out.

So…I asked Shawn to guest post for me. He had knowledge I wanted. You see, he’s been working on his Ph.D. in philosophy and had two kids (well, his wife had the kids, but he has the backpack to prove it) at the same time. He’s maintained his witty, thoughtful and insightful posts about parenting and life in general.

In case you’re new here, I start working on my master’s degree in 29 days. I work full time, travel a lot for work, maintain leadership roles in my industry’s professional association…oh…and did I mention that I have a three-year-old and a six-year-old and an awesome boyfriend that I’d like to keep around?

If there’s any source of sage advice on this topic…it has to be Shawn. And here’s what he had to say.

________________________

So, you’re about to start grad school. You’re about to start grad school with kids. You’re about to start grad school with kids and you think to yourself “Self, how in the hell am I going to balance this workload with the other workload and not mess up my kids or my classes or my projects or my marriage or my house?”

You aren’t.

Oh, maybe you are. I don’t know. I’m just speaking from experience here where I’ve alternated between screwing up my kids, my classes, my projects, my marriage, and my house.

When I started grad school, a five year PhD program, I didn’t have any kids. We had a vague idea about trying to have kids once I was in my third year, since if we timed things correctly I’d be finished my third year classes by the time the baby came and I’d have two years of research and writing funding that could be taken advantage a bit of to do part time home life and part time dissertation work.

Ha.

Double ha.

The first “ha” is because during the summer after my first year we got pregnant. My daughter was born in April, well before the end of my second year of classes, which meant I still had a year of classes to look forward to with a child strapped to my back before I’d be able to take advantage of those fourth and fifth years. It was difficult. That third year was so difficult, balance-wise, that I didn’t do it. I took a leave of absence for a year and stayed home with my daughter. I delayed my third year of funding and class work hoping things would be settled enough when I went back that I’d have a nice routine established and could breeze through classwork, dissertation research, and teaching duties four days a week and then be home the other three days. It worked okay, I suppose. It helped to have an office I could force myself to go to. It helped to have a lot to do, because I do a lot when I have a lot, and I do almost nothing when I have a little. But all through that third year (the fourth really by that point), we were just waiting for our son to be born in May, once again ahead of the end of the year. He was about six months ahead of schedule, which just goes to show you how well your schedule will work out when you’re in grad school.

That’s the double “ha”. My fourth year, the “quiet” year that I was going to take to work and take care of my daughter and part time both responsibilities without having any classes to take was really just a year of being in love with my kids and not wanting them to go to daycare for even the reduced three day schedule I’d signed them up for. I thought I could get my work done in three days, having accomplished quite a lot with four days the year before, and realistically all of my program money was going to childcare costs anyway and we could only afford three days for two kids. However, after being home with the kids over the weekend and then on Mondays and Tuesdays, revving up to do any work on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday was damned near impossible. First, I’m lazy, and I write to deadlines, and I didn’t really have any deadlines during my fourth year so I lacked the motivational tool that I’d so successfully relied on throughout high school, undergrad, and most of graduate school. Second, the house demands what the house demands. Floors need cleaning, yards need work, groceries need buying, laundry needs doing. These things are difficult to accomplish with kids around; much easier to burn one or two of my “work” days doing these things instead of trying them on “kid” days. Third, everyone gets a weekend. Where’s my weekend? If the actual weekend is family time, and two weekdays are kid days, that leaves three days a week that I am inclined to take advantage of as “me time” days. If you were feeling burned out and pressured and you saw a day without kids up ahead you might do the same.

So now my fifth and final year is rolling around and I’m not even close to where I should be. I feel like I’ve lost a year, and it may be closer to a year and a half of solid work on my dissertation because I thought I could part-time grad school. I’m good at crunch-time work, but this late in the game there is no crunch time except the dissertation defense and there’s just no cramming for that deadline. I needed to be a different kind of student all along, because switching gears halfway through was impossible for me.

If you are the same kind of student as I then you need to change your act. Grad school is hard; it’s supposed to be hard. Maybe you’re brilliant, but brilliance doesn’t equal success in an area where actual hours logged makes a huge difference and repetitive exposure to material increases competence exponentially. You need to force yourself to put the hours in at the office, whatever hours you can, and damn the burnout. That burnout relief you enjoy instead of working will be nothing but the anesthetic to your career-removal surgery if you keep it up.

I’m sure grad school can be done very competently by someone. It’s just not me. I will be struggling until the end here because I didn’t struggle enough in the middle. I don’t blame the kids for that, but they were both an excuse to do other things (like pay attention to them) and a reason to not work (because I couldn’t focus my brain enough after being with them).

Also, blogging has not helped. Maybe I should quit blogging.

______________

Thanks for the advice, Shawn. And for the record:

I am far from brilliant.
I love an academic challenge, but I also love a fun day with Steve and the kids.
Self-discipline on long-term projects is not my strong point (hence why I never finished my thesis on my last grad school attempt)

Oh crap. I’m totally screwed. Thanks for the advice anyway.