Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas

This year I made the big switch from Plurk to Twitter. Yes, I started at Twitter first, but I was lured by the better user interface at Plurk and met some really cool people there. But, after meeting so many awesome folks at BlogHer this year, I was persuaded to send more time in Twitterville and keepin gup with Plurk became just too much.

Rather than give you a recap post for 2009, I’ll give you some of my favorite tweets that capture some of the crazy shit that happened this year.

1. We’ve had a bloody nose and a split lip. Now, it’s a party.
2. Now arguing with @ultimatesteve as to whether one stuffs a turkey through neck or neitherregions. Thank god we’re having ham this year.
3. Note to self: hula hooping with pasties on saggy boobs does not make for a good backup dancer.
4. 7th grade is performing a Queen song. Now I know why I brought sporks.
5. I love watching shows where people overcome great odds, but I’m starting to wonder if TLC should be renamed- ADN (all dwarf network).
6. At sbux drive thru. My 2yo wants me to ram the car in front of me. He must know how much I need my latte this morning.
7. I just found out that my cobbler is apparently actually a grunt. I’m now wondering what Alton Brown considers my “grunt” 2 be. Constipation?
8. Looking for a card 4 my dad to give mom 4 their anniversary today. Can’t seem to find anything that says “thanks for not pulling the plug.”
9. I just met a guy named Cliff Hanger. Yes that’s his real name. No, he isn’t that exciting.
10. You know you’re overtired when you start making your loved one’s medical symptoms into an Xmas song.
11. It’s been great meeting the 10 people who read my blog at#blogher09
12. The Renaissance festival: where high school drama clubs go to die.
13. My 2yo told his doc he has Bob the Builder in his pants.
14. Today’s motivation is being quashed by a generally poor choice in bras.
15. I am in Wendover, NV. Where mullets go to die.
16. Off to take the 5YO drama queen to Broadway class. Why am I paying to reinforce this? Oh yeah, so she can sing and whine at the same time.
17. Just got food from Taco Bell drive thru from gloved hands. Who’s protecting whom?
18. Gross moment of the night: realizing the salty taste under your fingernail isn’t salt. It’s cat litter. Ugh.
19. Adding new terms to my vocabulary: SALMON DAY – Spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.
20. Just dropped and shattered new NPR coffee mug. Does that mean I’m sentenced to 7 years of Ann Coulter?
21. Just tried to staple something using my computer mouse. I.am.tired.
22. Just got beaned by flying Elmo. Not sure if I should hate sesame street or find 2yo a baseball team.

Tell me which one is your favorite. My ego needs some love.

Happy New Year y’all. Let’s hope 2010 doesn’t suck.

Sharing custody of two kids has been a challenge, to say the least. But, we’ve made the best of a rough situation, especially this holiday season – our first after the divorce. Since our time with the kids is split 50/50, I had to manage to squeeze in all of the birthday and holiday traditions into half the time this December in exactly, you guessed it, 12 days.

Here’s a quick recap since I was too busy to post about everything we did.

1. We decorated the house.

Yes, it's a macrame Santa Christmas card holder. AND a Christmas miracle.

2. We put up our first fake Christmas tree (which looks pretty darned good if you ask me).

It's not the size of the tree that matters, it's what's going on under the boughs.

3. We had a tantrum-free drive from Vegas to Anaheim. (Apparently my Christmas miracle came early this year.)

Boo and the Bear

4. A full day at Disneyland to celebrate Boo’s 6th birthday. Crossing over to true “big girl” status, she overcame her fear of “grown up” roller coasters and rode the Matterhorn and I held my epileptic, claustrophobic shit together and got in a goddammned submarine to see some stupid little orange clownfish swim around. Thanks to much deep breathing and my intense grip on Doodle, I did not pass out or go into a seizure.

5. A second full day of Disney fun. We watched the new Princess and the Frog stage show, ate a ton of junk food and capped it all off with fireworks and snow on Main Street.

6. Boo’s actual birthday was commemorated with a small gift and my inaugural visit to an Ikea (where her head nearly exploded) and a rushed drive home to spend the rest of the day with her dad and his family.

Red Vines for dinner. Yum!

7. We made gingerbread houses from shoe boxes and graham crackers. Then Doodle attempted to eat the roof off his gingerbread house, while his sister insisted on getting fancy. The whole house-building ordeal took us three nights. For my kids to focus on one project for that long is epic. Next year, we may try gingerbread Rubic’s cubes, ’cause I’m sadistic like that.

Good enough to eat.

8. The kids shopped for each other and their dad. They picked stuff out for each other with no prompting from me or Steve. Even at two and six they’ve got each other nailed. Boo got Doodle three pegboard puzzles with animals and cars. Doodle got Boo a Barbie and a Littlest Pet Shop ladybug. On Christmas morning, they loved watching each other open their gifts even more than seeing what they got. THAT people, is Christmas.

Doodle picked the perfect gift for his sister.

Me and my girl.

9. I took Boo and my mom out to lunch and to see the Nevada Ballet Theater’s production of The Nutcracker. Boo was enthralled. We’d only had time to read through part of the elaborate picture book my mom gave her ahead of time, so I was worried about how much of the story she would understand. She got it. She loved figuring out who the Chinese Tea dancers were versus the Arabian coffee dancers. I guess racial profiling is okay if it’s ballet.

10. We took Boo to see The Princess and the Frog. It was Doodle’s first trip to the movies and we made it all the way through with him in the theater. Please note, I didn’t say “in his seat.” I did spend about 15 minutes sitting on the hallway floor as he dashed between me and the exit, insisting that we leave immediately. Once he resigned himself to the fact that weren’t going until the lights came back on, he sulked his way back to his popcorn for the duration.

Christmas Eve Kids

11. We went to Christmas Eve mass with my mom. Doodle’s heathen side was in full force, so Steve spent most of the service having the boy run laps around the church landscaping. By the time we were through, he was ready for dinner at my parents house – a new family tradition of Ikea meatballs with noodles and lingonberry sauce. The kids ate – yet another Christmas miracle! After dinner, we opened presents with my parents. You know you’re getting old when all of your presents are things to keep you warm and quiet. Dad got two sets of fleece sweats, a really soft blanket and a snuggie. Mom got him new headphones so he can listen to the TV without waking everything in a five-mile radius.

Really, my Dad is somewhere under all that stuff.

12. Christmas morning was magical. Both kids are still drinking the Santa “Kool Aid” and we cherished every minute of it. Boo loved her scooter, promptly giving herself a bloody nose and split lip within the first half hour of using it. Fortunately, she healed quickly and was back up and riding again within 20 minutes. I found the jewelry box and she loved it. Doodle adores his new Cars-themed bigwheel (yes, I have been sucked into the Disney Industrial Complex), although he refuses to actual propel himself by pedaling. Apparently the Flintstone method is still preferred, which I think it pretty darned cute given he looks a little like Barney Rubble on it.

She gets knocked down, but she gets up again...

Doodle goes Barney Rubble on a Big Wheel

Happy together.

With half the time to get everything done, I appreciated every moment we had four times as much. That’s a multiplier that I think I can live with.