Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas

In addition to being Black Friday, today was my first installation of Crafty Friday over at Savvy Source Las Vegas. Check out my review here.

Here’s what it was supposed to look like:

Here’s what ours looked like.

Not bad, eh?

Yes, I cow-towed to my baser instincts. I will try and buy my kids’ love to appease my guilt for ruining their childhood by sharing all of their embarassing stories with a fleet of perfect strangers. I dragged my turkey-filled ass out of bed a little after four this morning and made a total of three stops today.

I am pleased to report that, thanks to some online shopping after I got home, Santa’s sleigh is now full for about 80 percent of my list. I am also pleased to report that the vast majority of it is also wrapped and hidden away.

Rather than sharing what they are getting (you’ll have to wait for Christmas, just like them!), I’ll tell you a few things they’re not getting, like…….

Presidential Barbie

I came across this one while braving the crowds at Crap R Us. First of all, I have great aspirations of a woman one day occupying the oval office. I think giving girls toys to help them envision their futures in a positive way is an important thing. I just find this representation a little too scary. I mean, look at the nylons? and what self-respecting future leader of the free world carries a pink cell phone? and WTF with the dog?

Singing Pizza Elmo

Okay. when  I left this morning, this thing was on my list. Doodle loves him some “Mo-Mo” and this was listed in the Crap R Us circular, so I figured I’d indulge his love for the little red furry perpetual two-and-a-half-year-old monster. At first, I couldn’t find it, so I figured that they’d run out. While waiting in the serpentine line wending it’s way to digging me a little deeper into debt, I discovered another customer had secured herself one. Upon my comment, she pointed me to the correct aisle and my neighbors graciously held my space and watched my stuff while I retrieved it. About three switchbacks later, I decided to try the thing out to make sure it worked. Okay. My ears were bleeding after Elmo’s second run through of a freaky pizza song. All he does is sing and flash his pizza at you. It was cheap, but I think Homer would have killed me Christmas morning if I brought this thing home. Sorry Sesame Street. You’ll have to do better than this one.

This was not at Crap R Us. This one comes from Homer. I didn’t ask how he found it.

Frankly, I don’t want to know. This one falls into the “trampy slut doll” category. If I wanted to expose her to these fashions (and worse), I’d just drive around town and let her look at billboards and storefronts. But hey, it is apparently socially acceptable to buy our kids little girl sluts with big eyes.

Don’t get me wrong, there are things I will recommend. You can check them out over at Savvy Source Las Vegas. There are some board books and Vegas-related books up for now, and if things will settle down in India (where my tech support is)  so I can get my login fixed, I’ll post more.

Also, be sure to check out my post over at Imperfect Parent and let me know what, if anything, is Santa bringing for you.

Boo had her big Turkey day to-do at school today, which was combined with Grandparents Day. So, Homer’s folks spent the day with her at school from the breakfast through the concert performance and then through mass. (At 82 years each, I am constantly amazed at their energy and lust for life!) Boo was so excited to share her big day with Buscha (Polish for “grandma”) and Grandpa. It was a real treat.

When I picked her up from their place this afternoon, she was a veritable fountain of Thanksgiving trivia and song. So, let’s see how much YOU know. Are you smarter than my (nearly) five-year old?

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Me: Why do we celebrate Thankgiving?

Boo: A long time a go, there were these people and came to America.

Me: Why did they come to America?

Boo: They wanted to get away from a bad king. His name was James. Mommy? Remember James from my old school? They have the SAME name! Isn’t that CRRRAZY?

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Homer: Do you remember the names of the Native Americans that helped the pilgrims?

Boo: Skawaaaanto (it’s really Squanto) and Samoset.

That one impressed the hell of out of me!

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Boo holds up a picture of one of these:

Boo: Look Mommy, it’s a CORN-RU-CROP-REE-AH! And when we’ve had a boun-tee-ful harvesth, it’s called a “HORM OF PLEMPTY!”

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Boo: Mommy, when the Pilgrims came to America, they were hungry. They almost STARVED to death! The Indians helped them plant corn, which is also known as maize!

Okay that one sent me over the edge into a Simpsons flashback. In case you’re not a fan, in the “Das Bus” epsiode Bart gives his country report on Libya and says:

“The exports of Libya are numerous in amount. One thing they export is corn, or as the Indians call it, “maize”. Another famous Indian was “Crazy Horse”. In conclusion, Libya is a land of contrast. Thank you.”

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Oh hell. I’m in for it. But, as long as she’s my pilgrim girl, I can deal.

Happy Thanksgiving, ya’ll!